Next to Me
by ChestnutBrumby
Summary: R and Julie have both proved that they are survivors. Some of the challenges they will face after the end of the movie will only emphasize that, and on the way there will be triumph, betrayal, failure, and unrevealed secrets. R/Julie, Movieverse, M rated.
1. Catching up

"What was that?" Julie's eyes were large, wary. I swung in the direction of the sound, wishing I was armed, like she was. Not that I could have done much with a gun, except potentially shoot myself in the foot.

"I h-heard it." I admitted, hating when I couldn't keep my voice steady. She moved up by my shoulder, even though I felt far better when she was behind me. If there was some threat to us here, out in the city where the odd Boney still roamed, I ought to face it first.

Tense seconds clicked by. I remained hyper-alert, my fingers balling into fists at my side. Julie's elbow brushed mine. A distant bird cawed. After almost two minutes, Julie let out a relieved breath. "It was probably just-"

The entire wall beside us, a boarded-up sheet of wood, exploded outward. I felt searing pain in my shoulder as shards of it stuck into me, heard Julie cry out, reached for her in the melee. A Boney shriek, then a second and a third overrode the splintering wood. I spun to find one of them right by me, but I was far more worried about Julie. "R!" She cried out, and I heard the fear in her voice.

I had to get to her! I had to keep her safe!

"R! Please!"

My eyes flew open the second time she said my name and I was transported back to the actual world. I looked around wildly - Julie and I on the couch, a crumpled-up blanket at our feet, her house, no Boneys. The fear didn't vanish though, and I gasped at Julie as I struggled with it, as it tore my stomach apart and ripped at my rationality. Was this normal? What was it!?

"R, it's okay. Hey, hey, you had a bad dream."

"A dream." I gasped, repeating the word - that made sense. A dream like I'd had when I was with Julie, Nora and Perry in the orchard, except that had been a dream of light and hope and this had been dark and despairing.

"It was real." I blurted out, panting. I wanted to focus on Julie, but my body refused to keep still - my eyes scanned the room for danger and my entire figure trembled violently.

"It wasn't, R. Nightmares are a normal human thing, and they feel real, but they aren't. Your fear is there now, but you can control it. Take deep breathes."

I thought it would be impossible, but I tried. It became easier to focus on Julie when I sucked in a huge lungful of air and released it again. She kept talking to me, her fingers firm and reassuring on mine. "That's it. It's over now R. Dreams can't hurt you. You're doing it. It's going away."

I couldn't bring myself to speak again until my heart had stopped slamming into my ribs, reminding me of the pain in my shoulder. I looked down and noticed a pink stain on the bandage. "Bleeding again." Julie spotted the same thing and let go of one hand to reach up and unstick the bandage. "You moved around a bit in your nightmare. Come on, come into the bathroom, I'll change the bandage."

I sat on the edge of the bathtub. Julie instructed me to take my hoody and shirt off - the shirt was grey and I wasn't used to it yet. It takes a lot of adjusting to new clothes after wearing something for as long as you can remember. I was just relieved I still had my red hoody.

"You okay now?" Julie carefully pulled away the old bandage and mopped up the slow seep of blood that had come from my bullet wound. I nodded, although I wasn't really. Was that going to happen again? I'd never felt so out of control. Well, maybe when the Boneys had us cornered, but there had been no time then to contemplate, to really comprehend the depth of the fear.

"Think so." Julie re-did my bandage, sticking the edges down carefully. She let her fingers linger on my chest for a moment longer and my thoughts shifted a little to one side. Less fear, more... interest. I tried to figure out the small smile on her face. "What?"

"You're not quite so pale." She commented, before handing me back my shirt. "There's a while before dawn yet. Let's go back to sleep. Before long I'm going to have to be up early to get back to work, so we should make the most of this."

Back to work. I'd miss Julie. What was I going to do then? Julie led me to her room and I sat on the edge of her bed while she drew the curtains, the sky outside still dark but lit with the odd orange streetlight.

I surveyed the bed with some trepidation. I guess I couldn't keep my shoes on like I did when I reclined in my plane's chairs so I stooped to pull them off one at a time. Julie yawned, snuggling into the covers beside me and drawing me down beside her. I felt better once I were lay nestled together, as if the act of having Julie in my arms and me in hers cast us into a protective bubble. I worried for a few minutes that I might have another of those nightmares, then the unfamiliar exhaustion snuck up on me and my eyes closed.

The next thing I knew Julie's voice was calling me away from sleep. "Cartbien for breakfast, I'm afraid." She apologized, pulling a face. I knew she hated every reminder of our enclosed lifestyle - the refined taste of carbtien, the armed guards marching by, the shadow cast by the wall.

"Yum?" I don't think I was convincing because she laughed. I winced, rubbing my shoulder ruefully as we went downstairs. Julie noticed. "Sore?"

"Yeah. How long will it t-take to heal?" Julie handed me a pill along with my bar of carbtien. "That will take the pain away. Karl wasn't sure - at least a few weeks, but your body is at a different sort of stage to most people's right now. He was surprised you progressed as quickly as you did, that's why he let you go home. Don't chew on that, put it in your mouth and take it with a glass of water." She pulled the pill away from my hand with an apologetic smile, like she'd done the wrong thing, not me.

After eating my bar and taking the pill, I rested with my elbows on Julie's kitchen table. "Still tired. Is that normal?"

"You did get shot recently, so I'm going to say yes. Again, it could be an effect of what your body has gone through. Just talk to me if you feel like anything's getting too much, okay? Do you want to sleep?"

Sleep was still an unfamiliar passtime, and after my bad experience with the nightmare it wasn't high on my priorities. I lifted my chin. "No." She looked amused by my determination. "Okay. Let's do something else. Let me go put the main power on and we can watch a movie."

"Movie?" I remembered the DVD cases from the plane. She showed me the collection of the same kind of things. "You'll see. You'll enjoy this. Pick one of these." She tapped the cases. I crouched down beside the shelf, running my fingers experimentally over the plastic covers. A bright yellow one caught my eye and my fingers stopped.

"Good choice. This is actually a remake, apparently there was an older one in the 60's with Michael Caine in it. I never saw that one though, we never did salvage a big range of DVDs. I've got most than more people, thanks to Dad."

I didn't understand half of what she was saying, but I enjoyed the sound of her voice, and I enjoyed the way she leaned on my shoulder after she put the movie on, holding my hand as he nestled on the couch.

The movie fascinated me. I had always imagined stories for my fellow zombies, but I had never imaged a whole complex tale like this one. Julie watched me as much as the screen, smiling at my transfixed state.

"Did you like it?" She asked when the credits began scrolling by. I nodded emphatically. "Yes. I l-liked how it showed... them before the job, what they did to get to where they were."

"It made you laugh, too." It had, at that - I had laughed so hard that I couldn't stop, until the act of laughing only making the situation funnier. Julie had paused the movie and laughed as well - though I thought it had been with me, not at me.

"The bit where he spoke like his friend." I smiled, remembering, the line that had made me laugh coming into my head so easily. I used to struggle to remember little details like that.

Julie prepared something better to eat for lunch. I watched, almost as fascinated by the efficient way she prepared things as I had been by the movie. She multi-tasked, chattering away to me as she cooked - more little things, about the movie we'd watched and how when she was a little kid her parents took her to the 'movie theater' where people watched movies on a giant screen as tall as her house was. I couldn't picture it. Julie promised to let me watch more movies, saying I had a lot of them to catch up on.

"Can I help you with that?" I nodded to her cooking. She was using a knife to chop potatoes. Julie motioned me over. "Okay, just take it easy. Here, take a potato and cut a slice off it, then put it on the flat side you made, like this. Then it won't roll when you're cutting the next slices. Then you cut those into sticks about this big."

I followed suit, a whole lot more clumsily and slowly than Julie had managed, but I felt proudly productive when I finished, even if my fries didn't turn out like her even lengths. Julie had poured a some oil into a pan which sizzled sharply, and we cooked the fries in it. Julie wouldn't let me help with that part. "When you're a bit steadier. You're getting there, but I don't want to add any burns to that bullet hole."

Different preparation to the meals I'd been used to.

"Are they ready?" I was analyzing the way the scent of the cooking food stole into my stomach, making me feel hungry. Julie was fishing the fries in bunches from the pan and putting them on a plate. "Yep, looks like." At once I reached for one and put it in my mouth. And yelped.

"R! That's hot!" Julie exclaimed, taking the half-a-fry out of my fingers- it was burning those now as well as my mouth. She hastily shoved a glass of water at me. "Drink!"

"Sorry." I said sheepishly, and Julie shook her head at me. "Freshly cooked food needs to _cool down_ for a minute or two before you start eating." She scolded, taking the plate and me meekly in tow back to the television.

I would remember about hot food next time.

With the second movie almost finished, my sleepiness returned, to my annoyance. The fries were delicious. I told Julie that and she kissed my cheek. The movie, like the first, was exciting, but I was blinking heavily by the end.

"Okay, I'm going to go check on Nora and see if there's any news from Dad's team." Julie pulled on a denim jacket.

"Can I come?"

"You ought to get some rest. If you run around, it'll take forever to heal." Her fingertips brushed my shoulder sympathetically, but her expression was firm. I thought for a moment and she waggled a finger at me. "Pull out those puppy-dog eyes and I'll blindfold you." she threatened, her eyes sparkling. "Go on, I'll show you around the city properly once you're better."

The house felt unwelcoming and empty without Julie. I wandered up the wide staircase and into her bedroom, sitting dismally on the bed for a while. I lay back, but even though I was tired, my body, or maybe my mind, couldn't find the off switch. After a while of lying stiffly on my bed thinking just how much like a Corpse I must look with my eyes wide open, I rolled over onto one side. There was a bedside table with a drawer and I pulled it open, wishing that I could remember how to read. That might make me sleepy.

I pulled a sketch pad from the drawer and froze, my fingers digging lightly into the paper.

It was _me_. Julie had drawn me, and not just _any _me. I looked a lot like I had in the polaroid shot in the house in the suburbs. My heartbeat quickened. The most logical time Julie could have drawn that was after she left me there. She'd been thinking about me, even then.

Whatever had gotten caught up inside me and stopped me sleeping untied itself. I settled back, caught a faint scent of Julie's hair on her pillow, and closed my eyes.

* * *

**A/N - Well, here we are at the start of a new adventure for Julie and R. For those new to my fanfiction this is based around the movie version and characters. Bit of a slow start here, but R is a bit housebound for now so instead I focused on some of the emotional challenges he and Julie will be facing together. **

**Every review I get makes me want to drop what I'm doing and get writing, so please, if you enjoyed this, leave me even a few words :) **

**Bonus points - who knows which movie R and Julie watched? :D **


	2. Best Foot Forward

"Morning, R."

I opened my eyes to Julie smiling down at me, leaning on the back of the couch. Confused by the sleepy way the world refused to focus, I rubbed my eyes, then sat up to orientate myself. Julie's house. Bright light through the windows. Morning.

"Hey." I croaked, then winced. "Drink?"

She vanished into the kitchen and came back with a glass of milk, which I'd discovered over the past three mornings I was partial to. I wrapped my fingers around it, feeling the cold register, and paused for a moment to thank Julie.

Feeling better after washing the awful taste of sleep from my mouth and throat - what was that about anyway? You just lie there doing nothing and wake up with a tongue like sandpaper and the taste of dirty socks? - I blinked up at Julie. "I fell asleep on the couch?"

She nodded. "Whatever Harry Potter movie we were on wasn't quite enough to keep you awake. I don't think you missed out, I'm pretty sure I'm missing two or three of those movies anyway. How's your chest this morning?"

I felt my cheeks heat up just slightly when she plucked my shirt collar aside to peer at my injury. I lifted my shoulders to shrug and she leved a stern look at me. "Okay." I told her meekly instead.

"It looks better. Do you want breakfast?"

Breakfast was the hardest meal for me to adapt to. I could usually pick at something for lunch, and in the evening I occasionally managed almost half the amount that Julie or Nora might eat. But my body seemed especially slow to catch up with Living schedules in the morning. I'd made myself nauseous choking down even small meals in the morning and Julie opted for a liquid breakfast for me, cheerily informing me she was slipping Carbtien powder or tables into half my meals anyway. I hadn't differentiated between tastes enough yet for it to bother me the way Nora always complained when Carbtien was an ingredient in Julie-prepared meals.

"Can we go for a w-walk?" I pulled out the Look. Julie groaned. "Yes, okay, just put that away. And only a _short_ one." She cautioned, knowing how bored I was being stuck inside. Short walk or not, I jumped out of my chair at her words and she had to laugh. "R, you'll be better soon. We can explore the whole city, and if you want, outside it too - Rosso says it's safer every day, especially now that practically all the zombies are on our side, even those living outside the wall."

"Want some of my things." I thought longingly of the plane we'd gotten to know one another. I wanted that back - not just the familiarly of my home, but having Julie to myself. Here Nora and Marcus dropped by (much as I liked them both) or a solider came by with supplies for the General or Rosso with a question... everybody knew Julie. It made me even less certain of myself, even though Julie was more than patient with me.

It wasn't just the physical changes healing my body and bringing the slightest hint of colour back to my cheeks that I had to comprehend. Emotions were far harder to cope with than the bullet wound or re-learning the cues my body gave for bodily functions or the odd sensation of becoming tired and falling asleep. The way that I _felt_ things now was so much more vivid than anything I'd gone through when I was Dead, with a few exceptions - like the time I'd first seen Julie and when she'd taken my hand in the car park.

"Me too, you had quite the treasure trove. We'll plan a trip to the airport - I wonder if our car is still on the highway." She mused. I felt the happy little blip of my heart. _Our_. In my haste to get out of the house I misjudged the position of the couch. I yelped when my toes connected with the couch foot, getting jammed underneath. I yanked it out and looked down in horror at a bloody mess. Julie saw it too, but instead of chastising me she guiding me into a sitting position on the couch that maimed me and pulled my foot up to see. "Epic toe stub, R. Hold still, let's stop the bleeding."

I grunted painfully when she wrapped a cloth around my little toe, which seemed the worst. Once Julie cleaned it - the toe was tiny, how could it hold all that blood? - I peered down at the mangled remains of my nail. "Um. Is it sup..posed to be ha- hanging off l-ike that?" I asked, nervously.

"Uh, no, definitely not. That's why it's hurting you. Look, you can't leave the nail like that, it'll catch on everything and it could make it worse by pulling the rest of the nail off."

"Unm. Wh-at di... do.. we do?"

"I can take that broken bit of nail off. It'll hurt for a while, but it'll save it getting worse."

The toe wasn't as bad as the bullet had been. It didn't burn. "...Okay." I agreed. Julie patted my shoulder, then took a pair of tweezers. The tiny little metal arms made me more nervous for some reason, worry layering on worry.

"R, it's be okay." Julie's soft reassurance did calm me down, but though the nerves sank they didn't vanish. Logically I knew this wasn't the worst pain I'd faced or would face, but the way not only my mind stressed out but my body did, tensing, palms sweating, made concentration impossible.

Julie understood that something was more wrong than it should have been. I heard the tweezers plunk down on the coffee table, then her fingers were on my cheeks, bringing my gaze to hers.

Okay. Okay, that was better. No medicine could ever have the effect that Julie did. Just having her hold me, her blue eyes holding mine, was as vital as the corresponding thud of my heartbeat.

"It's getting the better of you, R. I can see you go to panic when it gets too much, all these thoughts in your head, but you _can_ control them. It's just practice, it's time, and it'll get easier."

I couldn't not believe what she told me. For several minutes she just held me, and I leaned forward while my breathing calmed down so that my forehead touched hers.

"Okay." I tried to make my still-shaky voice sound sure, even if I didn't feel it. I lifted my foot, and she held my heel firmly as she picked up the tweezers. I winced when she removed the smashed portion of my nail, but I didn't pull away.

"You did a nice job with that." Julie held up the nail and I felt a little queasy. Lucky I'd only had the milk. She saw my face and picked up the cloth to clear away the fresh blood. "Damaged nails grow back. It might take a little while, but it'll be okay."

She offered me a hand and I took it, feeling the subtle strength in her you wouldn't suspect from her small stature as she pulled me off the couch. "Now, how about that walk? Maybe limp, in your case."

I found that walking slowly, cushioned by a shoe (Julie still had to help me tie my laces, but I practiced daily) caused no more discomfort than resting. We went, and it was sort of worth it when Julie stayed close by me and kept her arm around my waist.

A few soliders nodded at us - as did a few former-Dead who recognized me from the airport. It was strange, seeing our two worlds merging like this. We passed the Rosso's house, which wasn't very far from Julie's, and I was introduced to Mrs Rosso. General Grigio had arranged for me to stay with the Rossos, but Julie and I wanted to stay together and with her father out with a squadron of Boney-fighting and hopefully Corpse-rescuing soldiers, we were free to do so. I thought seeing Mrs Rosso - clearly in on Julie and I's secret since her guest room was conspicuously empty - would be awkward. But she put me at ease right away, assuring me to 'just drop by' if I ever needed the room, and not to worry If the General asked, I was the perfect houseguest. "The kind I like - easy to clean up after!" She laughed. "Not like those boys of mine - between Kevin and his inability to pick a single piece of clothing up and my dear husband who can't so much as rinse a plate, well."

It was funny to think of Kevin, who I pictured capable, competent and wielding a gun with ease, living at home with his mother looking after him. But then I suppose it wasn't so different to Julie's care of me, so I wasn't one to judge Kevin.

I was looking back to wave to Mrs Rosso when I was bumped hard, stumbling me to my knees. Julie knelt to help me up, with an angry shout to the small group of four laughing guys who continued past us. One, a little shorter than me with sandy hair, winked and made a gesture I'd seen Julie make at rude nurses in the hospital. Julie flashed the upright finger right back at him. "_Assholes_, they did that on purpose. You okay, R?"

"Yeah." I shrugged it off, though it made me uneasy, wondering on the motives of whichever of the four had barged into me. Would they they try that with Julie if she was on her own, or would she only be targeted if I was with her?

"Did you know them?"

"Yeah, Shane and his friends. He was in my class at school, a real jock type, except we don't play as many organized sports now. Good thing you never ran into him as a zombie, you'd have gone hungry - he has an empty space where his brains should be." She snorted. That made my lips twitch in amusement, though I was too concerned to smile properly. "R, don't worry, it didn't mean anything."

I did worry though. I couldn't seem to help it, since worry apparently didn't come with an off switch. Did normal, Living humans do this all the time? Walk around worrying?

"I think that's far enough for today. Let's sit for a while." Julie found us a spot in the sun. We sat, chatting occasionally, but I didn't feel any pressure when it was just me and Julie. If I wanted to sit in silence with my face tilted into the light, Julie let me be. If she wanted my opinion on something - a strange, novel thought in itself - she asked, and phrased different questions to make me think about my answers. It made this world easier to adapt to, having Julie as my guide. My worry subsided, giving way to the sunlight.

"Do y-ou want t-to go back to work tomorrow?"

Julie glanced sideways at me. "Yes and no. Yes because I miss my class kids and teaching. No because... well, it's been nice. This time with you."

Smile. "Nice f-for me, too."

We didn't get back until after lunch. I picked at my food again until Julie lectured me into a few last bites. I couldn't figure out why the world seemed so fuzzy and unfocused until Julie noticed my head nodding. "You're tired. The sun makes me sleepy, too."

I tried to remember the warning signs of 'tired' so I'd recognize them next time. The clink of dishes woke me, my head resting on my arms, in turn resting on the kitchen table.

"You _were_ tired. You were out all afternoon." Julie commented. I yawned and stretched, feeling the odd sensation of my shoulder joints creaking and popping into place - for some reason that made Julie's expression soften, and she came over to hug me, sitting mostly in my lap. It was hard to protest that. I woke up fully then. "Sorry. S-slept through half our last day together." I was disgruntled, looking at the setting sun through the window. Julie waved off my apology, planting a kiss on my lips that made every thought I'd had that day fall out of my head. The taste of Julie's lips beat milk, crisps, or any of her home-cooked meals, and I was powerless to do anything except hope that she'd never stop. "Your body still hasn't settled into proper cycles yet. Besides, nothing wrong with an afternoon nap. You should pick a more comfortable place than the table next time, though." She got up, leaving me strangely disappointed and unsure of what to do about it.

We watched two more DVDs - I thoroughly enjoyed them both, with plots that were easy to understand and lots of racing cars, explosions, and gunfights. Maybe enjoyable as well because Julie liked to tuck herself against my side when we were watching movies. She laughed at my look when the second set of credits rolled. "You liked them? Typical, they're such guy movies."

"You didn't li..like them?"

"I like the first one better than the second one because I like the big bald guy, and his sister is an awesome character. Drives great cars, stands up for herself, looks after her brother."

"He had a nice car." She laughed. "Even as a zombie, you had an eye for cars. You'll be happy to know this series has like ten more movies in it."

I felt myself grin. "Tonight?"

"One more, not all of us spent four hours asleep this afternoon, and I've got to get up earlier tomorrow. Plus I don't have the third DVD, so we have to go to number four. Are, here it is."

She tossed me the DVD case. I'd watched her put the last two on so I knew which button to press to make the machine eject. The old disc was easy but it took me a moment to figure out how to unclip the new disk from the case, but I was pleased with myself when it was in and loaded. Julie - watching all of this with a secretive sort of smile - handed me the remote when I sat back down. "You earned this. Start it up, I'm going to see if we have any passable snacks."

While Julie was in the kitchen I spent a fun few minutes clicking buttons and finding out which did what. It went okay until I managed to bring up a weird screen overtop of the DVD that I couldn't get rid of. Oops.

"Um, R? Is there a reason you're changing the TV controls into one of the lesser-known dialects of Russian?"

Sheepishly, I handed the the remote to Julie to fix the TV. Julie gave it back to me when I was done though. The next movie was even better, but I was tired again when it finished. I didn't protest as Julie led me up to her room. Half asleep, I didn't even worry when I stripped off my top layer of clothes and tumbled into bed in just my boxer shorts. Julie joined me, snuggling into my chest and fitting easily into my arms.

"Like this bed." I murmured into her hair, and I felt, more than heard, her laugh. "The bed, or the company?"

Easy. "Both."

My eyes closed, and for a few minutes longer I enjoyed the unfamiliar sensation of a soft matteress and Julie curled up against me.

I had no nightmares.

* * *

**A/N - Woah, sorry for the lack of updates, I ought to have gotten at least two chapters done by now! Had a crazy work week last week which included only one day off, I just haven't had as much spare writing time as I'd like. My hours for the next month are still all over the place, and so I may have a few slow updates. Please keep reviewing, I will be working on this fanfic, even with longer pauses between chapters. Again, not much action happening in this chapter, so enjoy a nice bit of R & Julie fluff? **

**Yes, Brig, the movie they watched last chapter was the latest version of the Italian Job, you win the cookie! **

**Anyone know the series they were watching this chap? It's an easy one this time! **


	3. Recovery

I woke up before Julie, early in the morning, feeling unsettled. At first I wondered if it was a dream or a nightmare - Julie had told me it was pretty normal not to remember having dreams, even upsetting ones. I lifted myself up on one elbow and looked down at Julie, who was curled on her side, facing me. I watched her sleep, a peaceful feeling returning, though it couldn't quite get rid of my unease altogether.

Even though I didn't really want to, I got up. Today was the day Julie went back to work and I wasn't really looking forward to it, even though I knew Julie's job was important. I showered, even remembering to brush my teeth. We hadn't had time to salvage me my own toothbrush yet so Julie had told me to use hers.

I wandered downstairs but couldn't settle, my muscles aching and my stomach rolling unpleasantly. I toyed around with our small amount of food in the kitchen but in the end I left it, my appetite non-existent. I wondered if feeling like this was normal. I should probably go see Dr Karl, but I hated to make a fuss over something so little. I wound up curled on the couch, occasionally closing my eyes - more to recall memories from the plane or things Julie had told me than to sleep.

After dawn Julie came downstairs to find me. "Hey, R. You look a bit rough, feeling okay?" She asked, picking up on my pained state with a look of concern. I knew she'd insist on lugging me to the hospital and probably missing out on her first day at work, so I pushed myself up and smiled at her. "I'm o...kay. Think I was j-just having nightmares again last night."

She kissed me on the cheek and went to get us a milk-and-carbtien each. We drank them on the couch, shoulders touching.

"Wh-at time do you have to go?" It got light so quickly in the mornings. I wished it was still early enough to be snuggled in bed, Julie in my arms.

"Not for a little while, but I have some things to get ready." Julie told me reluctantly. She packed a backpack with several books and a folder. I got her the last apple from the kitchen and held it out, and her pleased expression and the kiss she gave me made that worthwhile. We got a little carried away when my arms followed a natural trajectory and slipped around her waist, her body rising to meet me so she could reach my lips. Kissing Julie had some sort of incredible power to make me forget things, like how lousy I felt, or how much I was going to miss her today. My heartbeat began the thud more rapidly and my breathing grew ragged in between kisses, then before I knew it the kitchen table was rattling and our cups and some cutterly clattered to the ground - I'd pushed Julie into the table, caught up in the moment. We broke apart, Julie looking amused, to my relief - I'd gotten a bit carried away and worried for a moment I'd hurt her. If the slightly pink tinge to her cheeks and her half-closed eyes were any indication, she'd enjoyed that as much as I had. "Whoops." I muttered, and Julie laughed softly, holding me close for a few more minutes before we slowly broke apart, Julie picking up our mess. "Okay Shrugger, it's going to be awfully hard to leave you if you're going to go around kissing like that. Though for the record, if you felt like saving one of those for when I get home..."

Despite my distraction Julie did have to leave, and I got another, shorter kiss at the door. I felt a hollowed out feeling settle once she was gone - loneliness. I hadn't forgotten that one, even though like most emotions I experienced now it was sharper, harder to push aside. I wandered through the house, looking at the few pictures on the wall - Julie and her mother were a few of them. Her mother looked just like Julie but a little older, with the same blue eyes and blonde hair and smile. Would she have liked me, or would she be wary, like the General? Most mothers probably wouldn't be too happy with their daughter bringing home a zombie. Well, former zombie a least.

I dropped on the couch and curled up in the oppressive silence of the empty house, wishing the aching would stop. I was still too wide-awake to sleep and the doorbell was a welcome sound. It took me a while to heave myself up and get to the door in the sprawling house, but Nora was waiting patiently on the other side when I opened it. She smiled in greeting "Hey R!" I was pleased to see her, although I felt awkward. Did I invite her in? Fortunately, being Nora, she didn't wait for the invitation and stepped inside. "Got you guys some fresh fruit, just wanted to drop it by." Nora explained, though I suspected that Julie had asked her to stop by and give me some company with it being her first day back at work. "Hey Nora, do y-ou h, have a job, too?"

She beamed. "I just got approved to start nursing shifts and I've been helping out at the emergency tents we've set up for some of your old buddies coming into the city. R, it's amazing, hearing these people's hearts start to beat and their bodies coming back to life..." She peered at me and nodded, smiling broadly. "You look better today too. More colour, and you've already filled out a little, not quite so, well, lifeless." Apparently whatever Julie noticed that made me look unwell, Nora wasn't picking up on just yet. I wanted to keep it that way - I wouldn't stand a chance if both she and Julie thought I was sick. There wasn't anything seriously wrong. I mean, I think. I just felt lousy, that was a normal Living thing, right?

Nora unpacked the fruit with a little help from me, chattering on about her job. I mainly nodded or shrugged along, but it was good to have company, and Nora was always so upbeat. I was sorry when she had to go get ready for a shift at the hospital tents. "Can I co-me for a walk?" I asked, adding a "Please?" when Nora looked dubious. Despite not feeling great I was still restless, eager to be out in the world. Nora caved. "Okay, but not too far."

A couple of former Dead actually stopped to talk to us. Their speech was shaky - the younger man was still ghost-white and the older one had a bit of a vacant stare, but I wasn't about to critize. Nora seemed at ease with them - the older one had remembered his name, Andrew, and I felt a sharp stab inside when he told us. Jealousy, that he had memories back that I didn't - it caught me by surprise, and I let Nora do the bulk of the talking until I was sure I had it under control. Woah. This Living stuff took practice.

After we left Andrew and his friend and one of the emergency treatment tents was up ahead, I said goodbye to Nora as well and turned around to retrace my steps. I did spot the same guy from the previous day, Shane, but he wasn't close this time. From the other end of the street he saw me too, and I picked up the sneering expression on his face. Relieved that Julie wasn't with me this time, I carried on. Close to Julie's house Mrs Rosso called out a greeting from her tiny square of a garden, crowded with so many plants it took me a moment to spot her. "R, how are you feeling today?"

It was hard to come up with a convincing lie to tell a face that held such kindness. "A little sore." I replied honestly, and she waved me into the garden. "Sit down for a little while. Are you hungry? We actually got some flour rationed to us last week and I made a cake, let me get you a slice."

Quarter might have been more appropriate than slice, but despite my small appetite I managed to eat the whole thing - it wasn't too much of a chore, it had to have been the best tasting thing I'd had since Julie had shared the bag of potato chips with me in the hospital. I made a mess of it though, getting crumbs everywhere, but Mrs Rosso waved away my stuttered apology. "More for the birds to enjoy."

I was about to say goodbye when I felt something pounce on my foot. Looking down, a fluffy white cat was playing with my shoelaces, one of which had come undone. Hopefully Mrs Rosso wouldn't comment on the lace - I would have to wait for Julie to get home to re-tie them for me.

"George!" Scolded Mrs Rosso, scooping up the cat. "Sorry R, he isn't meant to be outside."

"That's okay." I reached out a hand experimentally to George. He sniffed my fingers, rubbed his face against then, them pushed his head impatiently under my hand for a pat. Mrs Rosso laughed. "I'm meant to have him for keeping the mice down, but he's such a friendly, lazy old thing he never does any such work. That's all left to Tabitha in my household-" Watching me scratch George behind his ears, fascinated by his purring, Mrs Rosso smiled. "Come on inside for a minute, R, why don't you meet the rest of the family."

Tabitha turned out to be a patchwork-coloured female cat, who was tolerating a pair of rambunctious kittens pouncing at her tail with the same enthusiasm their father had for my shoelace. I sank to the floor, entranced. Watching the kittens play, I forgot about my aching body. Systems I'd long since forgotten I had flickered back to life and I was flooded with warmth and contentment. One of the kittens looked just like George, with long white fur. The other was reddish-orange with darker stripes, looking half as small as his fluffy brother. Then they noticed me and a second later I was under attack, the red one climbing up my shirt and perching on my shoulder, the white one jumping into my lap.

"I thought as much." Mrs Rosso's eyes twinkled. "Always tell a good man as one who's kind to cats. Not that I'd have expected Julie to pick badly, mind you. Good head on her shoulders, that one."

The kittens were fun. I could barely feel their tiny claws as they turned me into their new toy, climbing and jumping all over me. It surprised me when I actually didn't want to go - only the knowledge Julie would be home soon got me up. Mrs Rosso watched knowingly as I patted the kittens, then their mother, goodbye.

"Look, R, we've found homes for the rest of the kittens, but we've still got these two to go. Why don't you have one? You could do with some company when Julie's at work, in that big old house."

The idea had never even occurred to me, but the draw was impossible to resist. I think my smile must have given Mrs Rosso her answer, but I managed to see reason. "Ask Julie tonight. Do you t-hink she'll sa-ay yes?" I asked eagerly. Mrs Rosso laughed. "R, she'll always say yes to you, don't you worry. You and Julie come and have dinner with us tonight, and you can take your kitten home afterwards."

I spent the remainder of the afternoon lying on the couch, resting my aching body but no longer caring that I felt lousy. I rehearsed asking Julie if I could have a kitten what felt to be a thousand times before I heard the door opening. "Hey R, I'm home."

I was so happy to see her I swept her into my arms and lifted her clean off the floor, relishing her squeal. "R, put me down! You can't be well enough for that!" The truth was my sore muscles did put up a bit of a protest, but I still held onto her a moment longer before I set her gently on her feet. "Got a question for you."

"Oh, shoot." I stared in surprise at her choice of words. She laughed. "Oh, sorry. I meant shoot figuratively, it means 'go ahead'."

"Well, Mrs Rosso had this idea. She thinks I need some company during the day."

"Mm?" She lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, the company sort of... has four legs and a tail." I explained sheepishly, and Julie laughed. "She wants to give you one of her kittens! She does like you, or she would never trust you with one of her babies."

"So can I have one?" I pulled out the Look. Julie blocked her eyes with her hand, then dropped it began laughing again. "You have got to be the cutest thing in the world. Yes, R, you can have a kitten."

A big, happy grin spread over my face to mirror Julie's expression. Then she snickered. "I think we're going to have to hide it at the Rosso's when Dad comes home, though. Can you imagine his expression?"

* * *

**A/N - Wrote this one at four in the morning, unable to sleep thanks to a wicked flu. Hence R not feeling so crash hot in this one, I had an authentic perspective. **

**Several people have told me that R needs pets, so you can probably see where this one is going ;) **


	4. Delicate Balance

Dinner with the Rossos was interesting. Not really because of the food - because half of it was just carbtien, little different to what Julie and I had at home. It was just that I could never have imagined having an actual meal with actual Living people. It was very different from eating with just Julie. I was nervous, constantly worrying that I'd do the wrong thing, and I spilled my glass all over the table.

"Don't worry about it R." Kevin got up from the table to get me another drink while Julie mopped up the spill, making me feel guilty. I wasn't even coordinated enough to clean up my own mess. I struggled to stop feeling so down. Karl Rosso must have picked up on my feelings because he heartily changed the subject to how well the former Dead were recovering. As per General Grigio's plan, we were now broadcasting something called The Reconciliation Project, which Kevin called TRP for short. (Embarrassingly, I didn't understand why at first, only after Julie explained abbreviations to me did it click. I resolved that learning to read again would become my goal). Every former Dead was being recorded, along with whatever details about themselves, if any, they remembered. These details were being broadcast on the radio, or for those who couldn't recall anything, their photos were being put up on the scattering of television sets still up and running in public places.

"About seven percent of our newcomers have found family or friends already." Karl Rosso told us proudly. Kevin, bringing in the remaining half of his mother's cake for desert, chimed in. "It doesn't sound like a lot, but it's a great result for just a few days." Kevin had an easygoing manner here at home with his family, different to the sterner, sharper Kevin who guarded the Wall with his gun ready.

I spotted Julie glancing at me with a tiny frown, and I understood why - what a weird feeling, to be able to guess what she was thinking, but also sort of nice in a way - she was wondering if I had somebody out there, someone who might recognize me from my old life. I was a lot more worried about Julie's feelings than anything along those lines. If it were true and someone did come looking for me, it wouldn't change anything. Julie would remain the center of my new life, and I reached out for her hand to give it a tight squeeze, uncomfortable about saying so aloud with an audience.

George appeared halfway through desert and jumped onto my lap, where he lay purring fiercely. It was amazing, how much I was able to loosen up and relax just because of a cat. Talking was easier, words flowing smoother, my breathing became steadier. My earlier nerves faded into the background.

"I think he's trying to tell you something. Why don't you come and see the kittens. They're fully weaned and you can take whichever you choose home tonight." Mrs Rosso said with one of her knowing smiles. "Kevin, would you put some of the extra cat food and litter aside for Julie and R to take with them?"

The kittens seemed bigger than my memories from yesterday - they came running towards Julie and I when we approached, jumping on our feet and meowing excitedly. Julie melted immediately, and I was almost as fascinated by her response as I was by the kittens themselves. "Oh, they're so cuuuute!" She sank to the ground to pet them.

Tired, I sprawled out on the floor as well, and the red-striped kitten immediately climbed up and sat on my back. "How are we meant to choose?"

Julie, cuddling the white kitten who purred and rubbed his head on her chin, shrugged helplessly. "Look at them both. That's an impossible choice."

Mrs Rosso, sitting in an armchair watching us with amusement, spoke up. "Then don't make it. Take them both - they'll be happy together."

I was taken aback. Julie had made it clear how much Mrs Rosso loved her cats - she was trusting us with not one, but two? "Uh - A-are you sure?"

"Yes, R, I'm sure. We're only meant to keep cats because they keep vermin down, but the truth is they're just as much pets as they are helpful around the house. A lot more in George's case - don't be surprise if these kittens of his never turn into mousers. Hopefully they'll take after their mother in that respect." She patted Tabitha, who lay regally stretched out along the arm of her chair. "But I love them dearly, and their children too - they only go to the best of homes, and you two fit that perfectly."

Julie looked touched, and she got up to give Mrs Rosso a hug. I felt awkward about doing so as well, but when I held out my hand to shake hers in thanks instead, she pulled me close and hugged me too. I felt a flash of warmth.

_This must be what having a family is like. _

"It's settled. You take both. Oh, the little red tabby is a girl, the white one is a boy. We didn't name them, because I get too attached, so that'll be up to you."

Kevin came into the room with a woven bag. Julie peered curiously at the contents. "We still have access to cat food and litter?"

Karl Rosso had come in too, George trotting at his heels. "You probably don't remember - you were younger, still in school, but when we converted the warehouse into our headquarters, it was actually the dispatch wholesaler for pet supplies. We've still got food, toys, bedding, all stockpiled from the conversion. Keeps the guard dogs fed and healthy, and the city's mouse hunters." He nudged George affectionately with the boot of his toe, causing the white cat to flop onto his side and purr. Karl shook his head. "I swear, it's not a real cat, that one."

It was dark by the time we said goodbye and headed home - Rosso reminded us the curfew was, at least for now, still in effect. I carried the kittens in a cardboard box, and Julie had the bag of supplies. We only had to go just down the road, and Julie disarmed the security system and unlocked the door for me.

It was amazing, watching the kittens explore their new home. They made Julie and I laugh so much - I couldn't remember so much laughter. Julie watched me as much as the kittens. Sprawled out on the bed with Julie beside me, laughing until our sides ached at the red girl lying on her side 'attacking' a bunched up bit of paper and the white kitten with a sock on his head (I had to rescue him) I realized something. I wanted more. More laughter, happiness, more contentment. I watched Julie soothe the male after the sock incident, smoothing his white fur and murmuring softly to him.

I loved her so much at that moment. _You should tell her._ I opened my mouth. Not a single sound came out.

_Now is not a good time to go all Zombie! _Tell her_! _

Still nothing. A minute later, Julie got to her knees, stood up, and grabbed the bag. "We'd better set up a litter tray for them." And the moment was past.

After we'd fed the kittens - they ate all their food with relish, and I wished I had the same sort of enthusiasm for food - we sat on the couch with them, and Julie put another movie on. "I have the perfect one!" She announced, handing me a brightly covered cover. I looked at the animated animals and a word popped into my head.

"Lions?"

"Yep, I don't think I have anything with actual cats, so this will have to do. You'll love it, it's a classic."

I strained my ears- I thought I could hear birds calling, which reminded me of the orchard dream, but the TV screen was blank. Then the screen lit up suddenly with a huge yellow sun rising, the combination of the flare of colour and the trumpeting first note of the song making me jump in surprise. The white kitten, draped over my lap, meowed but didn't move. I waited for the alarm to kick in and flood my body with tension, but it never happened. Instead the music, even though I couldn't understand it, captivated me. I watched the unfamiliar animals move across the screen, the music resounding in my ears. My heart began to thump almost as if it were trying to keep tune with the beat. My eyes widened, unable to look away from the screen until a tingling in my arms caught my attention. "Woah..." I muttered, lifting my arms to inspect. I'd broken out in goose-bumps. None of the other movies Julie and I had watched had done this to me. Julie smiled. "It gets waaaaay better."

Half way-through the movie, when the lion cub was calling out to his father who'd just been killed, I was startled to find myself crying. Julie - her own eyes bright with tears - just smiled and handed me a handkerchief. "Everybody cries the first time they watch this movie. Also the eight, ninth and tenth times, if you're me."

After the movie ended, I felt distinctly more upbeat - it had had a happy ending. I looked down at the two sleeping bundles of fur, the red in my lap and the white in Julie's. I gently patted my kitten. "We c-could call h-er Nala." I suggested. "She's feisty, like lion-Nala."

"Nala - I love it! He should have a lion name too, then." Julie pressed her lips together thoughtfully. "There weren't any white lions in the movie, though - what do you think of Leo?"

"Leo. Leo and Nala." I nodded. "I like them."

Julie smiled and leaned against my shoulder, humming the 'Circle of Life' quietly. I listened for a while, warm where Julie and Nala lay against me, and it was there on the couch we all fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N - I can't recall if Rosso actually had a first name in the book, and I've lent it out to a friend (spread the WB love!) so I can't reference it, so I just made up Karl. **

**You ALL know which movie they watched tonight!  
**

**Wow, I could not have imaged R and his kittens would get so much awesome feedback, just the pick up I needed while not feeling well :) **

**Snowpetal, I would not have expected any less from my resident Warrior-fan reviewer, I did like your names a lot! I always had a name planned for the white kitten because he is based on my own cat, and the red one came through the process of the story (Incidentally, I was watching the Lion King ;) so it became the movie that R & Julie watched!) But thank you for your suggestions, I loved Fern! **

**Guest, I LOVED the suggestion Hoodie, I laughed so much reading your review! **

**Brig, after following my WB stories for so long you are certainly learning the way my mind works! Yes, it was always my intention to give R both kittens, nicely predicted there my friend! **


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